Tuesday, February 27, 2007

WHEN TWO REFORMED PEOPLE TALK

I hope that my fellow Reformed brethren will get a good laugh out of this, while at the same time I hope it will show us the vital importance of charity. -- Josh Brisby

Here is what it sounds like when two Reformed people talk:

Calvin: "Hello, my name is Calvin. What's your name?"

Knox: "My name is Knox. What is your confession?"

C: "Why, the London Baptist Confession of Faith."

K: "Mine too! But which edition?"

C: "Why, 1689, of course!"

K: "Mine too!"

C: "What eschatology do you hold to?"

K: "I'm postmillennial."

C: "Really? Me too!"

-Great! But what prophetic school do you hold to?

-I'm an idealist.

-Great! Me too! Are you Sabbatarian?

-No, I believe the Sabbath is a Christian liberty, fulfilled in Christ.

-Great! Me too! That is so rare in Reformed circles; it's so nice to find someone I agree with on the Sabbath issue.

-Exactly. But what is your view of the law?

-Well, I'm of course covenantal, so the moral law is still binding.

-I'm a covenant theologian too! I believe the moral law is binding too! But are you theonomic?

-No way! Theonomy is incorrect.

-I think it is incorrect too!

-But are you infralapsarian or supralapsarian?

-I'm infra.

-Me too! Besides, all the orthodox Calvinists are infra. The hyper ones are supra.

-Right!

-What about the ordinances? Do you mind calling them "sacraments"?

-Of course not. They are means of grace.

-So you agree that the sacraments are effectual means of salvation?

-Even as Keach's catechism says, yes, when blessed by the Spirit of God. In a manner of speaking, they are effectual.

-I agree in a manner of speaking too!

-But do you mind calling the Table the Eucharist?

-No, I think that is a good and helpful term.

-Great!

-So I assume then that you are not a Zwinglian memorialist, but a Calvinist suprasubstantiationist, right?

-Absolutely!

-Wow!

-WOW!!!

-Do you hold to the regulative principle?

-Of course!

-Great! But are you a cessationist?

-Yes, of course!

-Me too!

-But are you a strict subscriptionist or a moderate subscriptionist?

-Well, I'm still studying the issue . . . but I lean a bit toward the moderate subscription position.

-THEN YOU ARE A HERETIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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