I hope that my fellow Reformed brethren will get a good laugh out of this, while at the same time I hope it will show us the vital importance of charity. -- Josh Brisby
Here is what it sounds like when two Reformed people talk:
Calvin: "Hello, my name is Calvin. What's your name?"
Knox: "My name is Knox. What is your confession?"
C: "Why, the London Baptist Confession of Faith."
K: "Mine too! But which edition?"
C: "Why, 1689, of course!"
K: "Mine too!"
C: "What eschatology do you hold to?"
K: "I'm postmillennial."
C: "Really? Me too!"
-Great! But what prophetic school do you hold to?
-I'm an idealist.
-Great! Me too! Are you Sabbatarian?
-No, I believe the Sabbath is a Christian liberty, fulfilled in Christ.
-Great! Me too! That is so rare in Reformed circles; it's so nice to find someone I agree with on the Sabbath issue.
-Exactly. But what is your view of the law?
-Well, I'm of course covenantal, so the moral law is still binding.
-I'm a covenant theologian too! I believe the moral law is binding too! But are you theonomic?
-No way! Theonomy is incorrect.
-I think it is incorrect too!
-But are you infralapsarian or supralapsarian?
-Me too! Besides, all the orthodox Calvinists are infra. The hyper ones are supra.
-What about the ordinances? Do you mind calling them "sacraments"?
-Of course not. They are means of grace.
-So you agree that the sacraments are effectual means of salvation?
-Even as Keach's catechism says, yes, when blessed by the Spirit of God. In a manner of speaking, they are effectual.
-I agree in a manner of speaking too!
-But do you mind calling the Table the Eucharist?
-No, I think that is a good and helpful term.
-So I assume then that you are not a Zwinglian memorialist, but a Calvinist suprasubstantiationist, right?
-Do you hold to the regulative principle?
-Great! But are you a cessationist?
-Yes, of course!
-But are you a strict subscriptionist or a moderate subscriptionist?
-Well, I'm still studying the issue . . . but I lean a bit toward the moderate subscription position.
-THEN YOU ARE A HERETIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!