Wednesday, May 23, 2007


Tomorrow, my sweet 3-year old son, Gabriel Luther, is having an MRI. It is quite clear that he has mild autism, or asberger's syndrome. A recent brainscan came up abnormal, and hopefully tomorrow's MRI will be able to find what needs to be discovered.

Yet, to do this, they need to use anesthesia and put him under for a while. I worry about this. I know that it is routine and that it happens all the time, even to young children; but I worry.

Oh Lord, help me to trust in You.


Why do we live, even as Calvinists, as though we are in control of our own lives? We are powerless to overcome the mighty hand of God in His sovereignty. Yet, we know that God works all things out for the good of those who love Him. Our God rules in His most wise and providential fashion.

I spent much time with Gabriel tonight. We took him and the other kids to Chuck E Cheese, and then just Gabriel and I watched Nacho Libre (again) and ate popcorn and sipped raspberry-grape juice. He was very cuddly tonight.

I just put him to bed, and as I did, the tears came. Oh, what a precious child You have given us, O Lord!

What if You were to take him from us, O Lord? I pray we would trust You. I only pray we would love You more than life itself.

I have lived a shameful life of loving others and other things more than the infinitely enjoyable God of the universe. I am scared that something major would have to happen for God to knock some sense into me.

I know that He knows what is best.

If not tomorrow, soon there will come a time in which we need to be prepared to say, as Job did, "The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away. Blessed be the Name of the Lord."

O Lord, help us to find You more delightful and pleasurable than anyone or anything. May Christ be our all in all. Forgive my shameful idolatry. I am filth. Why do I labor for that which fades away? How foolish I am! I am dung.

O Lord, forgive me for deceiving myself into dare thinking that anything is more delightful than You. Everything I have comes from You.

I am powerless. Destroy me, that Christ may live in me.

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