Friday, July 10, 2009

10 WAYS TO CELEBRATE JOHN CALVIN'S BIRTHDAY TODAY

In honor of the fact that it is John Calvin's 500th birthday today (he must be getting pretty old by now), I thought it only fitting that all my fellow Calvinists celebrate who they are, in honor of the great French theologian. Here are 10 suggested ways to "enjoy your Christian liberty" on Calvin Day:

10. Try and find a French beer.

9. OK, then try a French wine.

8. Try some French cuisine . . . preferably some without the word "rat" somewhere in the name of the food.

7. Try a good French cigar.

6. OK, then try any kind of cigar.

5. Grow your beard like ZZ Top. It helps to do this by watching ZZ Top videos and cropping pictures of Calvin's face on top of the band members. You have only one day, so you'd better be pretty manly.

4. Learn Latin--fast--and then read Calvin's Institutes in Latin.

3. Go and play thumb wars with an Arminian. Tell them you're doing it of your own "free-will."

2. After you win in thumb wars with your Arminian friends, tell them it was predestined to happen anyways.

And, the #1 way you can celebrate John Calvin's birthday today is . . .

1. Limit your beer drinking and cigar smoking to the elect alone! Have fun figuring that one out. But, since we don't know who the elect are, we may as well make a universal offer to the party!!! :)

Cheers!!!

8 comments:

jacob said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Josh Brisby said...

Jacob,

Your comment was removed because of its sensationalism and disrespect.

The true Messiah of Israel is Jesus of Nazareth. Repent and believe the good news!

Anonymous said...

funny post, Josh.

Dax

Darlene said...

Do nothing whatsoever since man's will is an illusion.

I can picture it now, a man sitting, waiting, sitting, waiting, for God to club him on the head.

All in jest. :)

From one who has happily, joyfully left the fellowship of the Reformed Calvinists.

Josh Brisby said...

Darlene,

Welcome to The Reformed Oasis.

With respect, it sounds like you don't understand Calvinism. Orthodox Calvinism is compatibilist wrt our choices and God's sovereignty.

But glad you're happy though. :)

Welcome again!

Anonymous said...

This is a mockery of John Calvin!!!! you should really study him out more.

Anonymous said...

I love your post and your website I am a Jesus lover too and your website is awesome I LOVE john calvin this is a cool website for me
Love,
Jesus fan
PS. funny post :) <3

Kathleen said...

Love the website great job